Liplocked
by Li'l Miss May
Summary: Ash/Dawn shipping. Crude humor. Dawn visits Unova and romance blossoms.


Ash, Iris, and Cilan were on their way to Accumula Town when a strange, prehistoric Pokemon lumbered in front of them. The three of them stopped in their tracks and stared at the beast. The strange Pokemon yawned and settled down in the middle of the road, blocking the path that led to Accumula Town.

"Hey, what's that Pokemon?" Ash asked, and then pulled out his ever-trustworthy, brand spankin' new Pokedex!

"Mamoswine." The Pokedex said, "The Twin Tusk Pokémon and the evolved form of Piloswine. Distinguished by its large tusks, its weight is more than five times that of Piloswine, and is less commonly found since the end of the ice age."

Ash had a puzzled look on his face. "Ash..." Iris asked, her face clouding with worry. "Umm... why do you have that look on your face? It's a smart look, and you... well, you don't usually have a smart look like that on your face."

Ash snapped out of his reverie. "My friend Dawn. She had a Mamoswine"-Ash had an excited look on his face-"Maybe this is hers!"

"Ash, the probability of your friend being here is zero, but, if I may add, a new friend in this group would add a whole lot of zest." Cilan said.

"DAWN!" Ash yelled, "DAWNNNNNN! DAWN! DAWNNNNNNN!" His yells had grown to howls.

A faint voice from the forest yelled back, "HEY! SHUDDUP! YOU'RE YELLIN' AT THREE IN THE MORNIN' AND SOME FOLKS NEED TO SLEEP!"

The people in the forest cried, "YEAH! SHUD-DUP!"

"SORRY!" Ash screamed back, "BUT I NEED TO FIND MY FRIEND!"

The voice cried back, "WAIT 'TIL MORNIN', YOU LITTLE BUGGER! YOU'RE NOT NORMAL! GET OUTTA HERE, FREAK!"

"BUT I NEED TO FIND MY FRIEND!"

"AT THREE IN THE MORNIN'! SOME OF US FANCY SOME BEAUTY SLEEP IN THE EARLY GRAY FUZZ OF DAWN!"

"DAWN?" Ash yelled.

"YEAH, DAWN! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, FREAK! DO YA? DO YA? WELL, IF YOU HAVE ANY HEART, YOU'D SHUDDUP AN' LET SOME OF US SLEEP!"

Ash accepted defeat and slumped down. He lay down on Mamoswine's fat stomach and drifted off to dreamland.

Meanwhile, Iris and Cilan had been talking, and they decided Ash was senile. So, that's how they ended up stealing away through the woods with Pikachu in tow. And all of their food, of course. Along with Ash's Pokeballs and his sleeping bag. They even took his backpack.

When Ash woke up, he was all alone. "OH NO!" Ash yelled. It was five in the morning, and then the voice yelled, "SHUDDUP! WHAT DID I TELL YOU, PUNK? SHUDDUP AND SLEEP!"

Ash agreed. So he looked around and realized his constant companion, the ever-faithful Pikachu, had disappeared. Left him to die in the wilderness. He laughed. They were just hiding, right? WRONG. They _HAD_ left him to die. So he started walking through the dark forest at the break of dawn. The light was scarce, and Ash was scared. But he was brave. Right? Um, maybe... okay, no. He was the scaredest Pokemon Master ever to walk this earth. He started wailing, "MOOMMMMMYYYY!"

The voice from the forest was still faint, but the person was obviously ticked that Ash was still yelling like a senile old man at five-thirty in the morning. "SHUT. UP. NOW. I need my beauty sleep!"

Ash was still wailing. "SHUDDUP OR I'LL TELL MY MOOMMMYYYY!"

"Ooh, your mommy. I'm so scared." The person said back in a sarcastic tone.

Ash sniffled and sat down on the hard, leafy forest floor. A tear fell from his bad eye, the one that Cilan had punched when Ash snuck a Pomeg berry and ate it. _Funny._ Ash thought. _We used to be friends, and he still punched me. _Ash got up defiantly from the forest floor and yelled, "CILAN, YOU JERK!"

Cilan looked back at the dark forest they were now escaping. "Iris," he whined, "Why did Ash say I was a jerk?"

"Only because you are." Iris said. "But you do make good food."

"Hey, what's a connoisseur for?" Cilan asked with a tad of humor.

"Cooking," Iris replied, "And sometimes compatibility. You're pretty good at matchmaking, too."

"Why, thank you, Iris!" Cilan said, and then he bowed.

They had finally broken through the dark line of trees that circled the dark forest. "Daylight!" Iris gasped. "Pure daylight!"

Apparently, the voice had good ears, because they cried, "SHUT. UP! God, what does a person have to do to get some shut-eye around here?"

"CILAN!" Ash yelled, "GET IN HERE! YOU JERK! YOU DESERTED ME!"

"Oh, no, not you again." The voice groaned. An audible groan so the whole forest could hear their distress. "Who are you, anyway?"

"I AM ASH KETCHUM OF PALLET TOWN AND I HAVE A DREAM TO BECOME THE WORLD'S GREATEST POKEMON MASTER!"

"Well, Ash Ketchup, shut up and get out of our forest." When Ash didn't move, they yelled, "Like, now would be a good time."

Ash moved, but only an inch. The voice kept yelling. He kept inching. Then, he yelled, "Who are YOU?"

"Me?" The voice asked with a nervous titter. "Oh, I'm very boring."

"NO YOU AIN'T! GIRL, BE PROUD OF YO' HERITAGE!" Another voice yelled.

"YEAH! WHY YOU SO 'SHAMED? YOU A WILD ONE!" Yet another voice cried out.

Iris and Cilan had paused to hear the shouting match that was going on in the 'Dark Forest', as they had come to call it. Its real name was Sunshine Valley, but the villagers before them must have been really dumb to think that the dark was the light. In fact, if dark and light had been flip-flopped, this place would've been Freakin'-Overflowin'-With-Sunshiny-Stuff Valley. Back with our band of robbers and deserters, Axew had just tripped over a rock that was in his way and was rubbing his forehead, which had turned bright red. It was just there, all bright and red and throbbing, and Iris had her gag reflexes going.

"Cilan," she choked between gags, "Help Axews head. It'll make me stop gagging."

"What is so gag-inducing about a red forehead?" Cilan asked, but he went and covered Axews forehead anyway.

"Oh!" Iris attempted at a movie faint, but, shocker, she failed. "Okay, I'll tell you. When I was three, my mother died of major blood loss. Since then, I haven't been able to look at red without gagging. I can't even eat ketchup. I despise Ash. Ash KetchUM reminds me of ketchup, which reminds me of red. Got it?"

"I think so. Everyone despises Ash." Cilan replied. It started to rain. Unfortunately, they had left the only umbrella with senile old Ash. They didn't think they would need it. Axew wailed and the voice, stopping the shouting match, yelled, "GOD, WHY CAN'T I GET ANY SLEEP?"

"WHY, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ANNOYING FREAK WHO WON'T SHUT THEIR STUPID MOUTH!" Ash yelled. He stalked out of the Sunshiny-Forest-Of-Goodness and found our band of marauders. "YOU! YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING FREAKS WHO DESERTED ME!" Ash's rage was towering, and Iris and Cilan were cowering in fear, in total fear of this level of rage that neither of them had ever experienced.

"Because... because... you... you were senile!" Iris squeaked. At this point, Ash's eyes were glowering and he was practically breathing fire at the two. Suddenly, a girl ran out of the woods, looking distressed.

"Hello!" she screamed at the trio. "Have you seen my Mamoswine?"

"Nice to meet you too." Cilan said. "I'm Cilan, and this is Iris, Axew, and Pikachu."

"Oh, my name is Dawn. I came here from Sinnoh." A look of realization dawned upon Ash's face.

"Dawn?" Dawn turned around at the sound of Ash's voice.

"Ash? Is that really you?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah. Why are you in Unova? There are no Pokemon contests here."

"I came here to explore. To live a little. Can I travel with you?"

"Sure." Ash looked genuinely happy to see his old friend. "Were you the girl in the forest?"

"Nope. That was Savannah from the Village of Hope in Sunshine Valley. She's a bit short-tempered."

While this happy reunion was going on, Iris and Cilan sat in the corner, brooding about Ash and his sneaky tactics.

Then, out of the blue, Iris asked, "Can you see any romance? Like, passionate, smoldering romance?"

Cilan replied, "I believe I can. They'll make a pristine couple."

Dawn leaned in to tell Ash something, but Ash intercepted and grabbed her face. Then, they kissed and the world flew by in slow motion. And, they had to admit, it was a pretty good darned kiss.

Oh, and Cilan wolf-whistled. Loud enough for Savannah to hear. She went into a rant. So there ends this interesting first chapter of the hit story _Liplocked_.


End file.
